If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
