Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize