Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
