This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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