I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
