They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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