just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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