I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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