Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
