Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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