Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
