I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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