I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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