i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
