Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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