We named our party play list daddy issues
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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