FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
