Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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