Define "chronic" masturbator.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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