Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
