found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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