so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
