Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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