You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
