oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
