he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
