oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
