woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
