his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
