Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
do herpes really smell.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
