Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We need to get me chipped asap
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