We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
