I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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