My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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