You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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