By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
