Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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