i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize