im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
