I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
