in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
