Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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