im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
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