my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
