I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
