I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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