Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
