You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
