Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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