I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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