too bad you live with your parents still
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
