wrigley field is MILF paradise
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
