I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
