I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
sex in a hospital.. check
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