just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
