i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
