turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
