Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
whose parrot is this?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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