One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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