It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
