I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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