those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
